I got married 4 years ago to my husband. He was in his 40s and I was in my 20s. The age difference between us has never really been a problem as we are both educated, well spoken, have similar personalities and share a lot of interests, and as a result we mesh well.
My husband is a very caring and thoughtful man. This is one of the traits that made me fall helplessly for him, along with his intelligence and fun personality. I will not reveal anything pertaining to kids as this might punch a hole in my wall of anonymity.
I’ve always loved my husband and I still do. But I’ve never really been sexually attracted to him. This is not to say that I find him unattractive. No. He is okay as far as physical appearance goes, but his look has never been the kind to turn me on sexually. To put it plainly, I find that I’m only sexually attracted to young men around my age with tall, athletic bodies and with the energy and agility to please a woman satisfyingly in the bedroom.
I met this kind of man in my work place and after we talked a few times I couldn’t help but become attracted to him. I realized he was also attracted me, and fast forward to a week ago, we had sex in a hotel room.
I’m ashamed to admit that sex with him was glorious, but it truly was. It was better than anything I had ever done with my husband. I loved how he tossed me around the bed and did stuff to me that my husband doesn’t do and I liked how every part of his body felt firm and strong.
After the act I felt a wave of shame wash over me. I recognized that I had committed an atrocity and I knew I had broken my marriage vows. The guilt of what I had done followed me around like a stench. I hated myself for betraying a man that had always loved and cared for me.
The problem I now face is that despite the guilt and the shame I constantly feel, I still yearn to experience another period of sexual bliss with my colleague. I can’t help it. I’m torn. I already told my colleague that that one time was the last but deep down I don’t want it to be.
I know that if I tell my husband about what I did, that it would mark the end of my relationship with my colleague, but I don’t know exactly how my husband would receive this information. I don’t want him to look at me and see a betrayer of trust; a woman lacking integrity and virtue.
No. I even thought of resigning from my job or requesting a transfer so as not to be in close proximity with my colleague but I know that wouldn’t solve anything as I still have his social media info and occasionally stalk him(yes I do). I’m so conflicted. I don’t know what to do.